Bonus Blog: Valentine’s Day Moussaka
Welcome to the real Blind Date!
picture of Ian eating a huge donut!
Over the years, I’ve been asked the same question countless times: “How do you meet someone romantically if you’re blind? It must be so difficult.” And I won’t lie—it does have its challenges. A big chunk of human communication comes down to body language and eye contact, and that casual glance across a crowded bar, topped with a cheeky grin, is completely lost on us blind folk. In the past, my chances of meeting someone in a bar or club were slim unless I tripped over them on my way to the toilet. Being blind, I had to find other ways to meet that elusive ideal partner.
When I did meet someone for the first time, the things that stood out most were how they smelled and, crucially, how they sounded. Did they have an attractive voice? I’m not saying looks didn’t matter, but I had to rely on friends for a quick visual once-over. After all, I wasn’t about to waltz into a bar with someone who looked like a gorilla, no matter how much they sounded like Mariella Frostrup or smelled like a flower shop. Still, I couldn’t make a solid judgement based purely on a sweet scent or a velvety voice. Let’s face it, I couldn’t exactly grab hold of someone during our first meeting to check for a hairy back or a suspicious over fondness for bananas. Tempting as that might have been, it’s just not socially acceptable.
So, without David Attenborough on hand to provide an audio description of my prospective date, I had to rely on a tried-and-true method—the elbow test.
Now, I know some of my blind friends will groan at this being shared. “Don’t give away the secrets!” they’ll say. But the elbow test is pure gold for us blind folk. While the eyes may be the window to the soul for the sighted, for me, it’s all in the elbow.
When I’m being guided, an elbow tells me so much about a person. First, it gives away their height—short or tall, I can tell in seconds. Then there’s their build: are they slender, stocky, or somewhere in between? If they’re wearing short sleeves, I can even gauge how hairy their arms are. And, if that weren’t enough, I can feel how toned or firm their muscles are. It’s amazing what a quick feel of an elbow can reveal.
If I was lucky enough to meet someone who passed the elbow test (and didn’t come with a side order of bananas), the next step was the all-important first date.
A dinner date seemed the best choice to showcase my sophisticated side. That said, I learned early on to avoid spaghetti at all costs. It’s hard enough to manage when you can see, but for me, it’s a one-way ticket to disaster. I’d end up finding stray strands in my hair for days. Candles are another hazard. Without any vision, I often don’t even realise they’re on the table, until I lean over to grab the salt and accidentally stick one up my nose.
If not up my nostril, candles have brought other dangers. Once, during my first date with Christine I managed to set a napkin on fire while wildly gesturing to make a point. Then panicked shouts—“Oh no, the napkin’s on fire! Put it out!”—sent me into action. I snuffed it out on the table, only to discover I’d burned a hole in the tablecloth as well. For the rest of the meal, I strategically draped the napkin over the hole and leaned on it, hoping the waiter wouldn’t notice.
Thankfully, that particular first date went well, despite the fiery introduction to my world. She’s now my partner, and yes, her elbows are absolutely spot-on, and not particularly hairy. However, I do sometimes wonder about the considerable volume of bananas in the fruit bowl. Um…